Random Thought: Today provided to you by “The Logical Song” by Supertramp.
Supertramp: But then they send me away
To teach me how to be sensible
Logical, responsible, practical
And then they showed me a world
Where I could be so dependable
Clinical, intellectual, cynical
Me: Well that’s not happening anytime soon.
Today I feel overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed. This has always been something that’s hard to admit, because to me it feels like one of the grossest admissions possible to say that I am not in control of myself or the situation.
In three different emotional sets I’m feeling overwhelmed, which seems to be contributing to that sense of complete ridiculously fatalistic helplessness.
Pride and happiness: My dad just got married an Sunday. It was beautiful. It was natural. He and Karen, were surrounded by a good portion of the people in this world that not only truly care about them, but truly enjoy them as people. I was lucky enough to be asked by them to do a speech, and to proclaim to the room why I was there, in my section of the peanut gallery, cheering them on. It was great. It was one of the easiest set of words that I’ve been able to release into the world, and life was right.
Terror and resignation: This MCAT thing on Saturday is looming, and at this moment I feel woefully unprepared. This feeling, feeling stupid, sucks. We’ll see the outcome of this on Saturday, and then the results in a few weeks.
Anticipation and anxiety: There are 4 days left until I go to Calgary –> Toronto –> Ghana. Between those four days I’ll be studying (cramming), at the lake with my family, and hiking with my family (brother, best friend, partner). As much as in last November this thing that I’m going to do felt abstract and literally an age away, I am now really in the thick of it, and so far in that I just have to ride the wave and try to keep all the pieces from floating away too fast. There’s certainly no stopping now.
As Deepak (my partner) always tells me (shamelessly pilfered from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)
“whatever you do, DON’T PANIC”